Saturday, July 28, 2012

Five Keys to Raising a Hypocrite

1. Never admit you blew it. If you sin, cover your tracks before your kids see it. The important thing about mistakes is not that you make them, but to make sure that no one knows. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Another way is to let time go by because doesn't time erase hurt? For example, when you hurt your child's feelings by not keeping your word, take them for ice cream and distract them for a few days. This way you won't have to confess your faults.

2. Focus on appearances. Any kind of talk about your feelings or their heart will only confuse them. Keep the chat at surface level always. Make sure your comments about their behavior include lots of phrases like, "What will the neighbors say?" Or, "What will your friends at church think about you?" Make a big deal out of bad words instead of silly trivial things like evil input through horror flicks. Don't worry about your Bible staying in your car until next Sunday or what you post on Facebook. They will understand that your life at church and your life on Facebook are two different things. Go ballistic over tattoos on their arm and never ask about God's Word on their heart. Remember tattoos are for life! One more thing: it's more important to keep their room clean than their mind clean. Remember focus on appearance only.

3. Pray louder and longer at church. It's important to let your kids hear you pray at church. Use a lot of spiritual words and phrases like, "Lord, we adore You. Manifest Yourself among us." Or quote long verses when you pray so that your kids will be impressed with that verse you learned in Sunday School. Make sure you go longer than anyone else in the prayer circle. Longer and louder prayers will impress everyone and most of all, your child, if they are within hearing distance.

4. Talk about prayer in the schools and the 10 commandments in politics. Don't worry about praying at home. It's more important that they do those things at school. It's no big deal that the Ten Commandments are never mentioned or posted in your home. But it is important that we vote to keep them in the Town Hall. In the White House, but not in your house, that's the way!

5. When all else fails, change churches or move. When people get too close to you, they will begin to see your flaws. You want to protect that from happening. Accountability is over-rated. Faith is a private thing. Keep it that way. When people get too close to you, lose those friends. If you have to, you can always move to another church where no one knows you and you can keep your distance.

There are many more things I could tell you but these are five sure ways to nurture the hypocrite in your child.

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