WE'RE MORE ALIKE THAN WE ARE DIFFERENT

Kelly Kapic in his excellent book, "You're Only Human," tells about asking students to describe themselves in a few words without using anything that relates to community or others. The students stammer and stutter, realizing that it's nearly impossible. We are tethered to community whether we want to admit it or not. 

This flies in the face of current thought. We think we are completely our own. Our identity is self-determined. Culture says, 'If you don't like who you are, look within. Find who you want to be. Reinvent yourself. The power is inside you.' 

Some have found this to be exhausting. The weight of self-discovery is unbearable if I'm the only one worthy to decide my identity. If we are merely atoms randomly held together by scientific laws, who I am to then take this brain given to me by the universe and figure out who I am and why I'm here? 

Kapic speaks to this: 

“Any attempt to live as my own center shows that I need others to understand myself and I need them even more to be a healthy and thriving human creature. This is how God made us. Because we have our being in relation and not apart from it, knowing one’s self rightly can only occur in the context of being known, of being in relationships, of being loved. The self alone, the isolated ego, is a contradiction in terms. Pursuing that contradiction leads not to life-giving knowledge but to suffocating loneliness and unending self-doubt.” 

I think he's right. Do you? 

For example, I used to think that small groups were for those lonely people out there. "Pastors like me, don't need to be in a small group with ordinary people. Maybe a group of pastors or high-level leaders would be better?” How wrong I was! My self-view was so distorted by looking within and seeing myself as a leader who should be around other "leaders” that I was overlooking my sameness.

Instead, what I've found is that being around other people with different interests and vocations than my own has brought me joy. It's pride that makes us think, "I'm not like other people. I'm unique." Yes, there are some unique things about me. But I'm more like everyone else than I'm not. And you are too! We all get tired, sleepy, restless, hungry, and even dare I say, gassy?! You're not that unique. 

Occasionally in our church, we will get a request from someone new that goes something like this: "Do you have any small groups with people my age who are urban professionals? I'm also interested in clean-earth policies and want to be around people who share that view. It would be nice, too, if there were other vegans in the group--since I have strong feelings about eating things that have eyes." 

Okay. So I'm exaggerating. But only a little. 

I want to ask them as well as you, what might you discover about the world and yourself by being in a group of human beings--some who will share your likes but others who will see the world differently? You may find that the human condition is universal---that you are more like those "other people" than you think you are. Here's what I know for certain: if you dive into the risky adventure of knowing other human beings and being known, you will get hurt. You may get angry. But you will also likely discover what it's like to be loved and to escape the chronic loneliness of this divided world.  

"We are not self-made people, we are not separate islands, we are not merely rugged individuals. Instead, we’re inevitably and necessarily bound together with others: it has been so from the beginning and will always be." (Kelly M. Kapic)

Go to a church where other human beings are. Find a group of other human beings who want to know God and each other. Do life. Your identity will reveal itself in the context of community. Not without it. 

IT ISN'T CHRISTIAN TO SAY NOTHING AT ALL

I grew up in the South during the heat of desegregation. I was in the 5th grade when one muggy spring day a fight broke out among the 8th graders, initiated by some racial slurs. Out the window to my left, I can see and hear crowds of whites and blacks running to the football field where nostrils flared and fears spilled out in a slugfest. My teacher, who was white, ordered all of us to put our heads down on our desks and be still. Sadie Mae Jones, on my left and Roger Jackson, behind me, are both African-American. I felt afraid for them and for me. I just wanted everyone to get along. In some ways, a lot has changed since then. But as you've seen in the news, some days it feels like nothing has changed. 

Because of the murder of George Floyd, we've seen again how racism and prejudice is still a rift that divides. A deep wound that needs healing. In many ways, I feel inadequate to speak. But when we say nothing, we say something. So here goes.

RACISM IS EVIL AND PREJUDICE IS A SIN. As Christians, we're often guilty of prioritizing certain sins. We talk about how porn eats out a man's soul and adultery begins in the heart. We speak out about abortion and sexual promiscuity. But prejudice is often underplayed with statements like, "Yeah, that's just the way they are. You know my uncle doesn't mean anything by it. He just has issues with black people." Racism isn't a worse sin than others. But it's sin nonetheless. And while sin is sin, some sins have graver consequences and do more collateral damage. Racism is one of those. 

GOD IS NOT COLOR BLIND. I've been guilty of saying He is. Probably with words like, "When God sees you, He doesn't see the color of your skin and we all bleed red." It sounds true but it isn't completely.  All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name. (Psa 86:9) The end of our Bible tells us that God is glorified by the tapestry of the nations. "And they sang a new song: 'Who will not fear, O Lord, and glorify your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship you, for your righteous acts have been revealed."' (Rev 15:4) God loves the nations and He's a missionary God who sent His Son and now sends us to the nations. He created color and wants His family to reflect that. 

What can we do? Ultimately, as a Christian, I believe only the gospel can root out the racism in my heart. But as a citizen of two worlds, I offer some practical ways I'm growing.

1. BE INFORMED. As a white American who grew up in the South, I thought I understood the issues. I thought because I had a few "black friends" I got it. I confess I was naive and that I still don't know how subtle and deceptive racism can be. But if I've grown, it's partly because I've been intentional about reading broadly on the subject. If you're white and lean conservative, you need to read other viewpoints--even those you expect to disagree with. Here are a few to consider: 

"Between the World and Me" by Ta-Nehisi Coates

"Becoming" by Michelle Obama

"Twelve Years a Slave" by Solomon Northup

"Why We Can't Wait" by MLK, Jr. 

2. LEARN TO LAMENT. We're not good at grief. Western civilization has tried to eliminate death and push grief underground. And we aren't better for it. We've coined new descriptions for funerals like "Celebration of Life." We make light of those from the Eastern part of the world who in our eyes are over-dramatic with their grief while we effectively do drive-bys before the funeral and crack a few jokes in the parlor. While it's appropriate to celebrate life rather than death, it's not healthy nor is it biblical to ignore the sting of grief. Paul writes to the Roman Christians, who were likely experiencing persecution and injustice, "Weep with those who weep." (Rom 12:15). Over a third of the Psalms are lament. And the book you probably skim through, Lamentations, is an expression of grief over the destruction of Jerusalem. Jesus wept in His final hours before the crucifixion. Grieving is part of life and lamenting is Christian. No, we don't weep as though we don't have hope, (1 Thes 4:13). But don't interpret that to mean, we don't weep at all. Weeping with our black neighbors over the death of one of their own is not only the right thing to do. It's the Christian thing to do.

3. LEAN IN AND LISTEN. It's ironic to talk about listening in a post about speaking up. But we've forgotten how to listen well. When someone says something, I'm already thinking about my response like the world can't go on without me responding to the last thing that was said. I have a friend who has a practice of asking at least seven questions when he disagrees with someone. Maybe that's too many for you. But how about asking at least  three questions before you give your opinion? And avoid the question "why." Asking why someone does something or feels something raises defenses. Instead ask, "what and how" questions: How did you feel last night? What do you wish people understood? 

4. HAVE THE AWKWARD CONVERSATION. The elephant in the room is not slinking away just because you ignore it. On Tuesday morning, as a staff, we dove into the topic of racism. We asked the African-Americans on our team to tell us how it feels to be a minority culture in our church. We confessed our sins to one another. And we sat through awkward silence sometimes afraid to speak, not knowing what to say. But I believe we moved forward a few steps toward authentic community because of it. I've heard pastors say, "We don't talk about that. We preach about how we are one in Christ and emphasize that. You get more of what you emphasize. If you talk about racism, it will just get worse." I disagree. How can our black brothers and sisters begin to heal if we act like nothing happened? Don't just tweet, post, and give thumbs up on social media. Sit across the table from someone different than you and ask questions. Yes, there will be awkward moments but loving well includes listening well. And that includes the ministry of presence in the in-between. 

5. BE INTENTIONAL WITH CROSS-CULTURAL FRIENDSHIPS. Let's go deeper than saying, "I have black friends." Do life together. Pray. Play. Have dinner. Celebrate the uniqueness of other cultures. This has been a gift to me and I'm grateful. One of the sweeter moments I've had in the last few years was going to Pappy's BBQ with my friend, Kempton, who happens to be black. Going to our cars, we paused on the parking lot, and locked shoulders for a moment and prayed. I know people were watching but I didn't care. I felt alive. I felt healing. It was beautiful. 

Long after the news of George Floyd dies down, there will be another tragic incident. Racism isn't going away. But I'm hopeful that a bit of healing will flow through His church in these days. One day those in Christ will worship as one multi-cultural family. John, the friend of Jesus, saw a vision of the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, the leaves of which "were used for medicine to heal the nations." We will taste of the healing together as a dark-skinned Messiah is crowned King of all. Till then, we pray, we weep and we hope.  

CHURCH FOR ME

I know a church that uniquely attracts 20-30 year olds who are largely white and upper middle class. I admire the impact. In some ways, it's like a niche micro-church. In the same way that Nike targets young adults who are anti-establishment, maybe we should incarnate the gospel to specific demographics? Isn't this what Paul meant when he said, "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some" (1 Cor. 9.22 ESV)?

As Christians, God calls us to go to the nations of the world. Doesn't this include sub-cultures? After all, we can't reach everyone with a mono-culture church, can we?

Great questions. I don't have the perfect solution. But I think we need beware of niche-driven micro-church for every sub-culture. Why? Because pursuing a community where everyone is homogeneous feeds our desire for personal preference in community and fosters exclusivity. Exactly what Jesus designed the church to guard against.

The church is meant to reflect something different: a community centered on Christ, rather than personal preference. God's desire was to make one nation out of different tribes where we love one another, prefer one another, honor one another in spite of our differences. Not because we are similar, like the same bands, drive the same cars. 

On subjects where the Scripture has little to say, we ought to find our common ground in the truth of God's acceptance of us based on the death and resurrection of Jesus--not based on whether we believe coal should be banned, no child should be vaccinated, children should be home-schooled, or what political party you belong to. (Imagine growing a church that tries to reach families that home-school, don't vaccinate, deliver babies at home, use essential oils and chiropractic medicine, vote Independent and never buy from Amazon!)

Otherwise, how do we apply the verse, "Bear with one another"? If we are all the same, what is there to forbear???

It is in Jesus' church diversified, both cultural, political and racial, where my selfishness and pride have the most potential in being sanctified rather than seeking out a church or small group where everyone thinks like I do. 

Let's disband the "Church of Me" and get back to the "house of prayer for all nations." 

Christianity Rises and Falls on Teamwork

In a couple of weeks the All-Star Game will take place. It's the game where supposedly the best players from the NFL, as voted on by fans, play in one game. You'd think with all that star appeal that you wouldn't be able to get a ticket. And if you did it would certainly cost more than the Super Bowl, right? Wrong. My quick check on stubhub showed tickets for under $50 for the All-Star game. For the Super Bowl? They start at $2,000+. Why? Because we all know the All-Stars aren't really playing their best in that game. An injury might "mess up their contract." After the game, they go back to play for their "real team."

 And like one preacher said, "Christians ought not play like All-Stars."i 

In an all-star game, the players wear a temporary jersey for the game but they wear their home-team helmet. Christians can be like that. I've got the jersey that says, "Christian" but the helmet that says, "Hipster Church," "Conservative Republican," "Calvinist," or "Cool Multicultural Java-drinking Tatt-wearing Twenty-Something." We might be a Jesus-follower but after Sunday is over, we go back and play on our real team.

But it’s not supposed to be like that. Those who are truly impacted by the gospel wear the same helmet: the helmet of salvation. And our theme song? “Amazing Grace.” Christians have all received the same grace that not one of us deserves! Ephesians 4 tells us we have the one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all! That's what makes us all one team.

Christianity is not a solo sport. It thrives in the context of team. Who's on yours? Does anybody have your blind side? Your back? Don't be an all-star.

iThis quote is attributed to Thabiti Anyabwile from a Together for the Gospel Conference. I've tried to find the quote and give him proper credit but so far I haven't found it.

Healthy Community?

Sunday night we celebrated our C3 partners. Great night. Everything felt fresh. The youth did a fun dance-off with excerpts of songs through the decades.

I talked about our reaffirming our C3 values of connection, commitment and contribution and how we can do better at helping people with the first one--connection. A healthy community is a place where people connect to Christ and deeply in relationships with others. But what does that look like?

Someone said that community must include accountability, belonging and caring (ABC). What is an organization with some but not all? Name a community that has a sense of belonging but no accountability? A club. How about an org with accountablity and no sense of care? The IRS. The church needs all three. We need to communicate care but with accountability. We need accountability but with a healthy sense of belonging.

What about your circle of friends? Which is lacking?