CHURCH FOR ME, contd

I've had a few more thoughts since my last post and since I got a bit of feedback on it, I'll say more. 

Part of the problem I see with us, is that we seem to have less capacity for disagreement and friendly discourse. We all lose when all of our friends and fellow church members have all the same viewpoints as we do. 

Romans 14 is helpful. Paul tells the mixed group of ex-pagans and Jews who are now Christians: 

"Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. 2 For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. 3 Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them."

I rarely eat pork. For a period of time, I was a vegan. I still strongly believe that Americans consume too much meat filled with hormones. I know that is far out to say here in the Midwest where burger is king! I like essential oils and my wife and I have utilized chiropractic medicine. (GASP!)

But I would suffer loss if I insisted and propagated my beliefs regarding these things in a way that's equal to my love for the gospel! There is no comparison! These are secondary issues compared to teaching doctrines like: our identity in Christ, the grace of God, life in the Spirit, the End of all things, etc. 

This is why in some way every Christian church needs to review some form of the Creeds. Believers through the centuries have relied on these when life was literally "at stake." When Christians were fed to lions, what did they qualify as reasons for fellowship? Not secondary issues but those primarily found in the Apostles' Creed, the Westminster Catechism, etc. 

So go ahead and have those strong opinions on secondary things like immigration, healthcare, child-rearing, politics, and more. But then gather around the Lord's table and set those aside to drink from the cup of spiritual fellowship brought to us by the Son of God, sacrificed and raised from the dead for us--the united body of Christ. 

A good question to ask: Do I have any friends who disagree with me? 

Jesus, make us one even as you and the Father are one. 

Can We Be Friends?

I was talking with a Dad of a teenager recently as we lamented about teens who won't talk on the phone. You know...the text-only crowd. He corrected me and said actually there is a new phenom: teens that think it's cool to talk instead of texting. Maybe the old idea of having a live conversation is making a comeback?

It's probably too soon to see if there's a trend, and one conversation with a Dad isn't scientific data, but I hope he's right. The lost art of good conversation is a treasure and it's a chief way of loving others. 

People who don't feel connected, or suffer with loneliness are often having few meaningful conversations. Therapists and counselors are filling in some of the gap, but there's nothing that can replace being heard by someone who knows you deeply. But it's risky, isn't it? 

When we were in 1st grade, it seemed simpler. You sent a note. You asked them, "Can we be friends? Check the box yes/no." And DONE! Little guesswork until we got older and began the relationship dance. (Is he still my friend? Guess I'll wait until my birthday and find out for sure! Did they call me when they were passing through? Am I doing all the calling and texting?) It's more complicated! 

If conversation is a key to deeper friendship, then we need to do it well. I'm not the best at it, but here are a few things I've learned along the way. 

KEYS TO GREAT CONVERSATION

1. Be a great listener. Yep, that's right. Great conversation starts with being a avid listener. People want to talk about themselves. Give them that gift. Listen well by asking questions and be interested in what they are telling you. Instead of thinking about what you're going to say next, listen.

2. Use the FORD method. Maybe you've seen this acrostic. It's a great one. 

• Family. Ask open-ended questions about their family. By open-ended, I mean any question that doesn't lead to a simple yes/no response. Instead of "Do you have a large family?" ask specific questions: How many siblings to you have? What was it like growing up as the youngest? 
• Occupation. Guys especially like to talk about what they do but women do too: Where do you work? How did you get interested in that line of work? 
• Recreation: So what do you do with your down time? How did you get into that? Who do you do it with? 
• Dreams/Desires: This is the deeper level of conversation. When you get to this level, you're getting closer to the heart: What would you do if money were no object? Why is that important to you? 

3. Use the five journalism questions: what, when, where, why, how. While it's not an interview and it needs to ebb and flow, generally, those questions help lead you somewhere other than yes/no.  

4. Share your own story. As you become a great listener, it is a loving thing for you to equally share about yourself. Conversation isn't an interview. Lean into being a great listener but also open up the windows to your own soul. 

Hopefully, you'll discover that beautiful moment that C.S. Lewis writes about: 

“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Anything you would add? Join the conversation. :-)