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It's been a long time since I dated. And I'm grateful. The dating scene exhausted me as a modified introvert. I loathed the generic small talk where you are sizing each other up for compatibility. And it was painful when you came to terms with a reality; we just weren't that into each other, as they say. No amount of arm-twisting or turning on the charisma would change it either.
This doesn't only apply to dating. It has implications for friendship and evangelism. We may desire friendship with a certain person, but it just doesn't click. A few dinners, gifts or expressions of love are not returned. It's one-way though you want it to be two-way. And it hurts.
It's hard to accept when after months, sometimes years of prayer, a person remains closed to the gospel. Multiple invitations to church are rejected. You dig. You study. You find common ground. You ask questions, hoping it will help them begin a search. But there are no signs of interest. What do you do?
Jesus tells a parable in Luke 14 about this dilemma. The story goes that a man plans a dinner party. He "invites many", telling them to save the date. When the time is near and the preparations are finished, he sends word that everything is ready; let's get the party started. "But they all alike began to make excuses," (Luke 14:18). One has purchased real estate. Another bought some farm equipment. The last one, it seems, threw his wife under the bus: "I have married a wife and therefore I cannot come," (Luke 14:20). In some cases, these would be valid reasons. But in this case, Jesus is clear; they were excuses. Bottom line? They didn't want to come. The prep, the cost, the trouble the Giver of the feast had gone to was of no importance to them. Even if he said, "Hey, I've got the best chef. It would mean a lot for you to be there." Their reply was, "Nah. I'm good."
In a similar way, in Mark 6:11, Jesus tells his disciples to go and announce the kingdom of God: "And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.” Sound harsh? Maybe. But the point is that time is short. Life is brief. Love people. But understand, not everyone will receive it. When they don't, move on.
I don't think that means write them off in every case. In other places, scripture tells us to persevere in prayer (1 Sam. 12:23; Romans 1:9). He tells the husband whose wife rejects the faith, to stay if she's willing to stay married. (See 1 Cor. 7:12). This calls for persevering love. "For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Cor 7:16).
Yet, with friendship and evangelism, there may be wisdom in letting go...at least for now. Turn from the one who keeps saying, "Nah, I'm good" to the one who is hungry for the gospel. Many times I've found that when I turn away, there is someone else that God has put before me. Whether in friendship or evangelism.
This goes into leadership as well. When you find yourself repeatedly saying, "But they are so gifted." Or, "They have so much natural talent. I don't want to see them waste it." But if they will not respond to invitations to discipleship or leadership, it is wise to pray for them but move on to the hungry.
- Give me someone who is faithful over someone who is talented.
- Give me a friend who returns my calls over the one who keeps saying, "I meant to call."
- Give me a student who is crippled by life but eager to learn over the one who says, "I'm just so busy right now."
Maybe it's time to leave those green apples on the tree awhile. Let them ripen in God's good time. Pick the ripe, red apple that is right there before you. Don't let the red apple rot while you're keeping your eyes on the green one.
