Preacher/Teacher: Let's Lose these Words

I'm not a health nut. But people think I am because some of my favorite foods are salmon, brussels sprouts, and sliced tomatoes. I've been known to order the "all vegetable" plate at Cracker Barrell, too. Gasp. This will send some of you because you're saying, "There's nothing of nutritional value left in those vegetables cooked for 10 hours with bacon drippings." Exactly. Still, when I enjoy a Boston Creme donut on occasion, the food police are on the spot to smirk and say, "Wha?? How could you?"    

So this is dangerous. Whenever you offer advice publicly, beware. People remember and will hold you accountable. 

This is why I'm hesitant to warn about words that we preachers and teachers say. At the same time, I'm writing this in the hope that it will cure me of some of my bad habits by writing them down in a post. There's nothing like public warnings to make you more aware of your faults. 

So here goes a short list of words I'm trying to lose from my public speaking...

1. Use the generic "God" sparingly.  

In a pluralist society like ours, you can no longer assume that when someone is talking about God they are Christian. Any quick Google search of "famous Christians" will pull up actors and politicians who quote a verse or say, "I want to thank God for the opportunity to win the Super Bowl." I hope and pray it’s true. But there are many public figures who pray before an event or thank God for an award who also reject biblical Christianity. In this day, we need to be clear. I don't mean veins bulging and stern faces. But we must preach Jesus as the way to God. Jesus as the Son of God. Jesus as God with skin on. Jesus as the One of whom the Spirit speaks (John 1:1, 1:14, 14:6, 16:13). Consider John, the beloved friend of Jesus who says this, "Who is the liar but he who denies that Jesus is the Christ? This is the antichrist, he who denies the Father and the Son" (1 John 2:22 ESV). This is a solemn warning to we who preach and teach. God help me! 

Speak of God, yes. But along the way, make clear that you are talking about the God revealed in the scriptures, and in the end, the One who gave His Son to redeem us.   

2. Lose "things." 

I don't remember the actual source, but I thank H.B. Charles Jr. for this one. I either read or heard him telling preachers to quit preaching about "things." 

I did this often when I started speaking and still fall into the trap. It goes like this: "The first thing we notice in this verse" or, "The first thing we need to do in prayer is..." or, "I'm going to point out three things Paul says about marriage." Why use "thing" when there are so many better words to choose from? Instead of talking about "three things," talk about three ways, benefits, warnings, threats, guardrails, strengths, weaknesses, attitudes, or outcomes. Which sounds more interesting as a talk or an article: "Three things about friendship" or "Three roads to healthy friendship"? 

How much more as we teach or preach the gospel should we use words that evoke emotion and spark interest? Did God give His Son to simply give us some tips on having a better life? Or to help my day go smoothly? God gave His Son so that we can have a relationship with God the Father and align our human relationships with others. A gospel-shaped friendship is about love and love is more profound than tips, things, or points. Though it certainly includes them. Consider Jesus' way of teaching the gospel: two houses, two sons, or a bride and her wedding. Lose boring words like things, points, tips, or thoughts. 

3. "Right? "Alright?" "You know?" 

This is a tough one. Public speaking is much more conversational than 20 years ago. Overall, I don't see this as a problem. Styles and rhetoric change and in our culture people prefer conversational over rhetorical. HOWEVER, I can resort too often to words that have more to do with my discomfort than with a conversational style. The temptation is to elicit a response rather than let the statement hang for full effect. This bad habit frequently reveals itself in our attempts at humor: "So, I'm on a road trip with my wife and the night before we are both doing that last-minute rush before leaving. Right? I get no sleep because it's a short night, you know. And then we're driving and my wife asks if I want her to drive and I think yes or maybe, but say no because I want to be the self-sacrificing gentleman. Alright? But then she's snoring and sawing logs, you know, and I'm soon driving on those bumps on the side of the road to wake her up because I'm jealous. Right?" 

For a different way to tell a humorous bit, consider how Nate Bargatze lets funny statements hang without constant solicitation for response. (Here's an example in a story about a horse. Watch from about 2:35-5:33.) Or consider the serious expositor, David Platt, who uses humor without the filler words of "alright" or "right." (Watch this clip from about 8:15-9:15.)

4. The ambiguous adverbs: actually, literally, really and just.

One of the longest short flights I ever had was sitting beside two high-school or college-age girls while preparing a message for the weekend. Even with headphones on, I found myself counting the words 'like' and 'really' in their conversation. I lost count after 40. I couldn't concentrate after a while and instead started counting the minutes before we could land and I could escape. It was awful. 

So go the ambiguous adverbs: actually, literally, really, and just. What do these words ACTUALLY mean? I'm not sure, but I use them all the time and they aren't helpful. It's a hard habit to break because these filler adverbs leak into our conversations and public speaking to promote a more casual feel. 

And the deeper reality? I fight insecurity and the pain that comes with it because of my great need for the gospel. If I believe the gospel deeply, I will lose some of my fears of silence, pregnant pauses, and the need to fill in the gaps for God. 

Yes, adverbs are necessary, but they are like salt: a little goes a long way. I am actually one of the worst offenders and I really need to break this habit. (Smile.)

  

There are many more useless words I use in my speaking. But here's my stab at getting better. How about you? What words in conversation or public speaking distract you? 

Cussing Christians

On the weekend, I told how I grew up hearing, "Real Christians don't cuss" and how this falls short of helping us understand the impact of words. Now, I'm not suggesting that you should start dropping four-letter bombs but there are plenty examples of more destructive speech. 

Snide comments. Sneering jabs. Passive-aggressive rolling of the eyes. None of it is becoming of a kind, mature adult, let alone someone who follows Jesus. 

In my small group later the same day, we discussed the challenges of being aware of harming others yet preserving some latitude for humor in friendship. For example, I love great sarcasm and irony. It's a trademark of southern culture. Friends, especially guys, do this as a rite of passage and inclusion. You know you're accepted in the group if people are comfortable enough to tease with some sarcasm. Our Elders do it in every meeting. An example might be as a dude is drinking his healthy smoothie: "So what is it this time? Australian pine bark extract and goat toe jam?" We have a good laugh and the banter helps with the seriousness and heaviness of ministry. At least, in my view. 

But I've found that it doesn't always translate. Humor is subjective. I have a friend who thinks the movie "Kangaroo Jack" is the funniest movie she's ever seen. Me? I don't get it. I didn't think "Home Alone" or any of its 10 sequels were funny. I know. I'm weird. But so are you. Go on RottenTomatoes.Com and you'll find polar-opposite reviews on every so-called comedy.

This means that we need to know each other well enough to know what is/isn't funny. Someone who grew up with a passive-aggressive Mom who had a barb in every sarcastic reply may be triggered by what you think is an endearing jab. This is the first rule of comedy and public speaking: know your audience. Using the word "randy" in Australia or the word "bloody" in the UK would communicate something you didn't intend to. On Sunday I said, "I'm a big tweaker"--meaning that I love to improve things. I've often said, "Small tweaks help you reach mountain peaks." I learned something following the talk. According to a fellow elder, I had every recovering addict's attention because they refer to meth users as "tweakers." Uh, that's not what I meant.

Forbearing with each other in love means that I need to be socially aware. Some things should be off-limits in humor no matter who you are: 

-- jokes about stereo-types of masculinity and femininity (I want to devote a future blog to this one. But cracking a joke about a boy running "like a girl" is wrong at so many levels. What girl exactly? The soccer star Mia Hamm? Or the Olympic runner Tori Bowie?)

-- sexual prowess. I've been around guys who boast of their sex drive. Sorry. I can't see the apostle Peter laughing with his protégé Timothy like this. It's not appropriate for any gentleman.  

 -- jokes about someone's physical features like their short stature, skinny body or obesity. 

There are more but I'll pause there. I've been guilty of many offenses in my speech. I've had to repent to people and to God so many times I've lost count. I'm a man whose tongue has taken me places I regret. I need lots of grace. You do too. 

At the same time, I'm hoping my friends never become so "politically correct" that we can't serve up some friendly jabs to each other. There's enough in this world to be uptight about. Some of my best memories are sitting around a campfire with guys laughing about dumb things we've done or said. But I should never forget my audience. 

This quote by John Newton in "Controversy" has been haunting me the last few days. In it he advises another minister of how to think before criticizing a fellow brother: 

“The Lord loves him and bears with him; therefore you must not despise him, or treat him harshly. The Lord bears with you likewise, and expects that you should show tenderness to others, from a sense of the much forgiveness you need yourself. In a little while you will meet in heaven; he will then be dearer to you than the nearest friend you have upon earth is to you now. Anticipate that period in your thoughts; and though you may find it necessary to oppose his errors, view him personally as a kindred soul, with whom you are to be happy in Christ forever.”