I have a shelf designated for books on marriage. I'd say I've read 20 or more of them. Some are stellar and worth reading more than once. My top three would be:
- Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
If those authors are much more experienced and knowledgeable than I am, why then would I propose four things regarding marriage? Isn't that…presumptuous? Or worse…pretentious? Maybe. But here goes.
1. Get godly, biblically-literate friends. I don’t mean someone to do coffee with or watch the game. Neither do I mean someone who will commiserate with you about how much of a devil your spouse is. I mean someone you can tell the worst about yourself and then will not shame you but pronounce forgiveness to you and call you to forsake your sin. Whether it’s someone in your small group or a friend from another church. Get one or two “dung buddies” who know the best and worst about you.
Girl, your spouse cannot be your everything. He's not your girlfriend. Don't expect him to act like one. You need someone else. And guy, you do too. Your wife can be your best friend. But she should not be your ONLY friend.
2. Read your Bible and pray everyday. Yep. You knew I would say it. And you think, “Gosh, I’ve tried that. It didn’t help.” That's your problem. You tried and then you stopped. I mean it. Open the Book and talk with God EVERYDAY. Yeah, you can miss now and then but don’t quit. Over time, the presence of the Holy Spirit will correct you, shape you and point out what needs to change in you. How do I know? Because it happens to me all the time.
(I put this as #2 not because it's a second level priority, but so you wouldn't shut me down and say, "He's a pastor. Here he goes about Bible and prayer. I've heard all this before!")
3. Pray together as a couple at least once a week for 30 minutes. Satan will fight you on this! He will find every reason in the world why you can't:
- “I’m not good at praying out loud.” To which I say, “being good at it" is not the point. If you think you’re good it, then you have other problems.
- “We have nothing to say after 5 minutes of praying for the money and the kids.” Okay. Then wait there in His presence and thank Him for 50 things! Sit on your deck with your coffee and talk with God about all you're experiencing as a couple. Share your gratitude, your worries, and your griefs. You’ll find deep emotional connection with your spouse after pursuing this practice for more than a month. Jesus isn’t impressed with your words and neither is He nervous about silence.
- “We have too much to do to pray.” Maybe you do. So eliminate a TV series or a game app and pray for 30 minutes once a week.
Guys. Here's a question: Would you take a bullet for your wife? Mostly likely you'll say, yes. Then you have enough courage to pray publicly! Get over yourself.
4. Get a hobby you both like and do it together. It may be taking a class on photography. Might be deer hunting, cooking or beekeeping. But get at least one hobby you can both enjoy. The best ones are ones you can discover together. But old hobbies work too.
So there you go! Surprised? Disagree? Then sound off.
