You Are Not A Machine

So I bought a new app called Sleep Cycle to monitor my sleeping habits. I'm still not sure how it can tell if I'm in deep sleep or just faking it. But according to the app, my sleep quality is running about 75%. That's about average for people in the USA. Folks in Finland average about 79%. Probably for two reasons, I guess: Every home has a Finnish spa and it's dark there...a lot. 

Why care about sleep? Because if you're not sleeping well, you won't work well. Recovery time is just as important as productivity time. Atheists, agnostics and people of faith all agree on this point: you can't be as productive without recovery.

God knew this before we did. That's one reason why He created the Sabbath, one day out of seven in which He paused. Not because He needed recovery time but because He wanted to enjoy and review what He had just accomplished. 

Not only did He create the Sabbath, He blessed it. He was making a statement, "This day will be unique. It is blessed and it will be a blessing for those who remember." 

Most of us know the commandment: "Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy." Another way to define "holy" is, "set apart." Unique. But we often fail to set one day apart and so we miss the blessing. 

'Oh, so you're reminding me about a day off? Check! I actually have two days off!' Yes, but it's more. 

The word 'sabbath' is from a Hebrew word that simply means "stop." For many of us, our days off are like what we do at traffic stops. We don't stop. We do what we call a "rolling stop" which is a misnomer! Stop means stop. Roll means roll. The blessing of the Sabbath is only available for those who stop, not roll!

Is that your day off? A rolling stop? You may not go into the office, but you fill it with stuff you need to catch up on: laundry, fix-it projects, yard work. Or to binge-watch episodes you missed in your fav series. I don't think that's what God had in mind. What did God do on the first Sabbath? He stopped. He rested. He saw the goodness of what He had done. God wants you to do that. It's a day for me to say, "I'm not God. I can't go 24/7/365. My Father stopped on purpose. So should I." And I should prepare to stop. Not just come to a screeching halt.

John Mark Comer (Garden City: Work, Rest and the Art of Being Human) says it like this:  Think of the Sabbath like a weekly holiday. You don’t just wake up on Christmas morning and think, What should we do today? No, you get ready for it. The same is true for Thanksgiving or the Fourth of July or your birthday or anniversary — you plan and prep and shop and look forward to it for days at a time.

I'm trying to do this more. The day I have traditionally celebrated as Sabbath is Friday. I'm attempting more often to prepare on Thursday. By Thursday evening, I want the computer off. Social media off. Paperwork done. Check register balanced. So I can come to a full stop on Friday. And rest. Play. Walk. Reflect. Celebrate. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Make love. Worship. Be thankful.

Again John Mark Comer says so artfully, "We work for six days, and then we rest for one. And this cadence of work and rest is just as vital to our humanness as food or water or sleep or oxygen. It’s mandatory for survival, to say nothing of flourishing. I’m not a machine. I can’t work seven days a week. I’m a human. All I can do is work for six days and then rest for one, just like the God whose image I bear." 

Come to a full stop, friend. You aren't a machine. You're human. Get over it.  

So, how does the commandment of Sabbath make you feel? How are you dealing with that? 

CHURCH FOR ME, contd

I've had a few more thoughts since my last post and since I got a bit of feedback on it, I'll say more. 

Part of the problem I see with us, is that we seem to have less capacity for disagreement and friendly discourse. We all lose when all of our friends and fellow church members have all the same viewpoints as we do. 

Romans 14 is helpful. Paul tells the mixed group of ex-pagans and Jews who are now Christians: 

"Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. 2 For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. 3 Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them."

I rarely eat pork. For a period of time, I was a vegan. I still strongly believe that Americans consume too much meat filled with hormones. I know that is far out to say here in the Midwest where burger is king! I like essential oils and my wife and I have utilized chiropractic medicine. (GASP!)

But I would suffer loss if I insisted and propagated my beliefs regarding these things in a way that's equal to my love for the gospel! There is no comparison! These are secondary issues compared to teaching doctrines like: our identity in Christ, the grace of God, life in the Spirit, the End of all things, etc. 

This is why in some way every Christian church needs to review some form of the Creeds. Believers through the centuries have relied on these when life was literally "at stake." When Christians were fed to lions, what did they qualify as reasons for fellowship? Not secondary issues but those primarily found in the Apostles' Creed, the Westminster Catechism, etc. 

So go ahead and have those strong opinions on secondary things like immigration, healthcare, child-rearing, politics, and more. But then gather around the Lord's table and set those aside to drink from the cup of spiritual fellowship brought to us by the Son of God, sacrificed and raised from the dead for us--the united body of Christ. 

A good question to ask: Do I have any friends who disagree with me? 

Jesus, make us one even as you and the Father are one. 

CHURCH FOR ME

I know a church that uniquely attracts 20-30 year olds who are largely white and upper middle class. I admire the impact. In some ways, it's like a niche micro-church. In the same way that Nike targets young adults who are anti-establishment, maybe we should incarnate the gospel to specific demographics? Isn't this what Paul meant when he said, "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some" (1 Cor. 9.22 ESV)?

As Christians, God calls us to go to the nations of the world. Doesn't this include sub-cultures? After all, we can't reach everyone with a mono-culture church, can we?

Great questions. I don't have the perfect solution. But I think we need beware of niche-driven micro-church for every sub-culture. Why? Because pursuing a community where everyone is homogeneous feeds our desire for personal preference in community and fosters exclusivity. Exactly what Jesus designed the church to guard against.

The church is meant to reflect something different: a community centered on Christ, rather than personal preference. God's desire was to make one nation out of different tribes where we love one another, prefer one another, honor one another in spite of our differences. Not because we are similar, like the same bands, drive the same cars. 

On subjects where the Scripture has little to say, we ought to find our common ground in the truth of God's acceptance of us based on the death and resurrection of Jesus--not based on whether we believe coal should be banned, no child should be vaccinated, children should be home-schooled, or what political party you belong to. (Imagine growing a church that tries to reach families that home-school, don't vaccinate, deliver babies at home, use essential oils and chiropractic medicine, vote Independent and never buy from Amazon!)

Otherwise, how do we apply the verse, "Bear with one another"? If we are all the same, what is there to forbear???

It is in Jesus' church diversified, both cultural, political and racial, where my selfishness and pride have the most potential in being sanctified rather than seeking out a church or small group where everyone thinks like I do. 

Let's disband the "Church of Me" and get back to the "house of prayer for all nations." 

Can We Be Friends?

I was talking with a Dad of a teenager recently as we lamented about teens who won't talk on the phone. You know...the text-only crowd. He corrected me and said actually there is a new phenom: teens that think it's cool to talk instead of texting. Maybe the old idea of having a live conversation is making a comeback?

It's probably too soon to see if there's a trend, and one conversation with a Dad isn't scientific data, but I hope he's right. The lost art of good conversation is a treasure and it's a chief way of loving others. 

People who don't feel connected, or suffer with loneliness are often having few meaningful conversations. Therapists and counselors are filling in some of the gap, but there's nothing that can replace being heard by someone who knows you deeply. But it's risky, isn't it? 

When we were in 1st grade, it seemed simpler. You sent a note. You asked them, "Can we be friends? Check the box yes/no." And DONE! Little guesswork until we got older and began the relationship dance. (Is he still my friend? Guess I'll wait until my birthday and find out for sure! Did they call me when they were passing through? Am I doing all the calling and texting?) It's more complicated! 

If conversation is a key to deeper friendship, then we need to do it well. I'm not the best at it, but here are a few things I've learned along the way. 

KEYS TO GREAT CONVERSATION

1. Be a great listener. Yep, that's right. Great conversation starts with being a avid listener. People want to talk about themselves. Give them that gift. Listen well by asking questions and be interested in what they are telling you. Instead of thinking about what you're going to say next, listen.

2. Use the FORD method. Maybe you've seen this acrostic. It's a great one. 

• Family. Ask open-ended questions about their family. By open-ended, I mean any question that doesn't lead to a simple yes/no response. Instead of "Do you have a large family?" ask specific questions: How many siblings to you have? What was it like growing up as the youngest? 
• Occupation. Guys especially like to talk about what they do but women do too: Where do you work? How did you get interested in that line of work? 
• Recreation: So what do you do with your down time? How did you get into that? Who do you do it with? 
• Dreams/Desires: This is the deeper level of conversation. When you get to this level, you're getting closer to the heart: What would you do if money were no object? Why is that important to you? 

3. Use the five journalism questions: what, when, where, why, how. While it's not an interview and it needs to ebb and flow, generally, those questions help lead you somewhere other than yes/no.  

4. Share your own story. As you become a great listener, it is a loving thing for you to equally share about yourself. Conversation isn't an interview. Lean into being a great listener but also open up the windows to your own soul. 

Hopefully, you'll discover that beautiful moment that C.S. Lewis writes about: 

“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Anything you would add? Join the conversation. :-) 

Can Dismantled Faith Be Put Back Together?

Most of you have seen the posts and firestorm regarding some notable Christian figures that have expressed their doubts; some going as far as to say their faith has been deconstructed. It's unsettling. It's painful, not only to watch someone you respect renounce their faith, but also to see the damage it does to those already weak in faith. It's one thing to take the exit ramp. It's another thing to try and get someone to follow you when you're not even sure where you're headed. 

In Luke 24, Peter hears as the women recount their visit to the empty tomb. According to Luke, the "words seemed to them like nonsense." They "did not believe the women." (Luke 24:11) But Peter still ran to the tomb, saw the clothes and departed, "wondering to himself what had happened." His faith was weak and his doubts were many. But he investigated and he wondered. 

Doubts are real and because we haven't seen some realities first-hand we may have a lot of them. Suffering, the problem of evil, and mysteries of the Bible are unsettling. Doubts may strengthen and faith may weaken. But does that mean this can't be reversed? 

Doubt and faith aren't mutually exclusive. When I deposit a check into my account at the bank, my faith is strong in that bank. But is there a hint of doubt? There may be 1% doubt that a certain payer may or may not be good for the check. Even in this, I may need reassurance sometimes. I may call and ask, "Did it clear?" That doesn't mean my faith has disappeared. It's just the creeping of doubt. 

Timothy Keller is often quoted saying, "Learn to doubt your doubts." I think what he's saying is that doubt can rise or fall. Have you been shaken by reading Richard Dawkins or Sam Harris? Counter those doubts by reading the gospels along with the writings of William Lane Craig, Rebecca McLaughlin, Timothy Keller, C.S. Lewis. Those bright minds have walked through valleys of doubt and came out the other side with weaker doubts and stronger faith. You can too. 

When doubt begins to dismantle your faith, don't just stand and watch. Don't roll over. Investigate. Wonder. Go to the tomb. 

Prayer: Lord, I've heard the gospel. I hear the testimony of others. Sometimes my faith is weak. Help me. Forgive me. Although I wonder, may I be amazed and strengthened as I investigate. 

I'M NOT REALLY THAT GUY

In Timothy Keller's excellent talk on Culture and Identity, he quotes Lewis Smedes as saying, "My wife has had five different husbands and they were all the same man: ME. What bound those identities together was the vows I made on my wedding day." He then continues by saying how we look back at our 15 year-old self with pity at how uninformed we were but that we do the same when we are 40 and looking back at our 30 year-old self!

This is why we can't find ourselves by simply expressing our feelings and saying, "This is me. Get over it." Our feelings are fickle. Our self-awareness changes throughout life. We move in and out of blind spots either becoming more or less aware of our own foolishness. We repress some feelings and give vent to others, not solely because we want to, but because of social and peer pressure. If you don't believe me, why do we eat more junk food when no one is watching us? Why do some people sing in the shower but never in an elevator? Why do we wear that faded, threadbare, yet comfy, t-shirt at home but never anywhere else?

We are not our feelings alone. Our identity and sense of self is also shaped by community. We find out who we are by living among others. We filter through the false and the true statements of those we esteem. Some of us are still trying to prove ourselves to an absentee father or a controlling mother who said, "You're all brawn and no brains." Or, "You aren't wired for college." Others are crushed by discovering we can't truly "be anything we want to be." Not everyone has the body to be a long-distance runner and a five-foot, 120 lb. woman can't be an NFL quarterback...at least not without a lot of broken bones and concussions. 

When I was 16, I felt like no one liked me. I was timid and a bit nerdy. I liked music and literature. I didn't tell all the guys how much I liked reading, although I did. Now I like music but not as much as I did. I enjoy the outdoors a lot more. I no longer think that no one likes me. Which one is me: the 16 year old or the man I am now? Both of them. I'm more confident in who I am now, not simply because I'm letting my true feelings out but because both of those identities are held together by living in community with others and more than that, because I know my Creator and He loves both of those guys.

What is unchanging is the identity of my heavenly Father and who He says I am. That's why I need frequent meetings with Him in His Word to remind me of what is true and what is false. That's why the prayer of all prayers begins with, "Our Father." Feelings change. He doesn't. My identity needs something more solid than my feelings. As crafted in the lyrics of Pat Barrett and Anthony Brown: 'You're a good, good Father. It's who You are, who You are. And I'm loved by You. IT'S WHO I AM, WHO I AM."


GOOD GOOD FATHER, c. Capitol Christian Music Group.

Six Simple Steps to Becoming a Better Parent

My parents are in their 80's and every now and then they talk about regrets in parenting: "We just didn't have the resources you have today. We would've done it differently." I'm sure they would. And there are plenty of "Top Ten Mistakes Parents Make." But my parents did a lot of things right. Here are some of those with a few I've picked up from other great parents. 

1. Read to your small children. The research proves it. Parents, especially Dads and Granddads, who read to their small children will nurture a lasting bond. Not only that, you will jump-start their love of reading.

2. Eat together and ask open-ended questions at the table.  A family who eats together more than twice a week will have fewer breakdowns in relationship. Stop asking "How was your day?" and say, "Everyone, let's hear about either the best thing or the hardest thing that happened today."

3. Have a "just you and me" night with each of your kids once a month. Take them where they want to eat or play. Put a limit on the budget so they learn to choose wisely. 

4. Pray together often enough that it's a habit. Pray about the hard stuff and thank God for the good stuff.

5. Have a family discussion about vacation and include everyone in the planning. Surprises are great but it's also helpful to learn about time constraints and how we can't do everything we want to do.  

6. Be diligent about a weekly Sabbath. No work. No homework. Instead, worship. Play. Prepare for Sabbath the night before and talk about it like it's something to look forward to.

How about you? What did your parents do right? Sound off.