A Case for Old Friends

I've often wondered how the other disciples felt when Jesus went up the mountain of Transfiguration with only Peter, James and John. Did the others feel jealous? Did Andrew (Peter's brother) say, "There they go again. The special three. And Peter wouldn't even be present if it hadn't been for me." 

There is evidence of a lust for power among the disciples. All the way until their last meal together, they were arguing about who was the greatest. The 10 were indignant over James and John putting up their Mom to ask Jesus about front-row seats to the new Kingdom (Matthew 20:24). But if there were other conversations directly related to the unique relationship of the three (Peter, James and John) with Jesus, I don't know about them. 

We can't argue from silence, scholars tell us. We can't make a case that it never happened just because we don't read about it. What we can say is that if God wanted us to know more about the disciples and their feelings, He would have included it in the scripture.

What is clear is that Jesus as a man, valued friendship and stuck with the same guys to the end. Not only the Twelve. He also felt at home with His friends, Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. That is where He stayed as He entered Passion week. And who did He hang out with on the night before His darkest day? The Twelve.  

"...Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end" (John 13:1 NIV). Jesus stuck with his friends. 

Relationships are work. I can relate to people who say they are moving somewhere where they can start over: a new job, new church, new friends. I understand. And some relationships are so toxic that distance is necessary. 

But we miss something when we cycle people like clothes in our closet; when we treat friends like shoes that are out of style or a restaurant that "just isn't what it used to be." People aren't to be consumed. They are to be loved. And love isn't revealed in one-night stands. Love is like a tree, not a mushroom. Mushrooms appear overnight. Mushrooms may be great on your pizza but a tree with roots takes years to offer shade.

All of us know that couple where the wife is bored while the husband, who seems oblivious, is content to sit in his recliner and eat caramel popcorn. To her, the culture screams, "You go, girl. Life is short. Don't die without having really lived." And I say, by all means, do something to rekindle the fire in your marriage if you can. But the solution may not be to trade your old shoes in for a new pair. 

There's a misconception that long-term friendships and marriage always deteriorate over time. Or, 'Happiness slowly fades the longer we're together.' Yeah, sometimes that's a reality. But there's also strong evidence that when couples stick together through difficult times, working to resolve problems, positive outcomes are more common than rare. Could it be that part of our happiness depends on simply staying together? 

I know that God has wired some of us for adventure. If that wasn't the case, how would the gospel advance? What place would missions have in our churches? Who would welcome new friends if we only have old friends? But it’s good to ask if it’s mission or selfishness that’s driving us.

As a Christian, I'm a big believer in small groups. I just don't see how we can obey the commands of Jesus without having a group of friends who are following Jesus together. But group life can be clunky. Why should I want to get in a group and stay with those people for years? Because people aren't to be consumed and then recycled. When we can, we should push back against the urge to find exciting new friends just because "life is short." If all your friendships end in 3-5 years, you have a problem. Get a counselor and began to ask why this is happening. The problem isn't always the world, the culture, this city, my family, my friends. Sometimes it's me. 

If the Son of God, didn't get bored doing life with fishermen, tax collectors and a carpenter, surely He can give me the grace to find happiness in relationships that last. I think the apostle Paul was on to something when he said, "Love suffers long" (1 Cor. 13.4). There's something comfortable about old shoes. They may not be the latest style, but they feel good on tired feet. 

Jesus loved them to the end.