Being bullied is a horrible thing. I've been in those shoes and it's traumatic. I was never much of a fighter, except with my brothers. I never suffered horrible physical abuse, so I can't speak with any authority there. But I've sat in a chair while a spiritual leader reamed me out about what a sorry leader I was. There was a bit of truth in what he said. But his attitude was arrogant, condescending and controlling. At the moment, I was too shocked to defend myself. When confronted by an angry person or a bully, I usually take the "soft answer turns away wrath" approach. When people are angry with good reason, this usually is the best path. But with a bully, you walk away scarred with long-term anxiety and possibly some level of trauma--that is, trauma with a little "t".
Spiritual abuse is a wicked tool. It combines spiritual authority with control. It can be heavy-handed and insulting, or manipulative and passive-aggressive. Either is sinister and destructive.
The Jesus-way of leadership is the opposite:
Then they began to argue among themselves about who would be the greatest among them. 25Jesus told them, “In this world the kings and great men lord it over their people, yet they are called ‘friends of the people.’ 26But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. (Luke 22:24-26 NLT)
Jesus calls his disciples to servant leadership. The greatest shall be like a servant.
The current generation is reacting to several decades of bad leadership. We've witnessed high-profile leaders, pastors, parents and politicians, coaches and sports physicians who have used their position to take advantage of those in their care or tutelage. We've admired strong leaders only to look under the hood and discover secret physical or sexual abuse. I believe God is allowing the exposure of this darkness for the sake of those who need justice. God sees abuse and although He is merciful, He will not suspend His justice forever.
Andrew Wilson, author and teaching pastor of Kings Church London, relates our current milieu to patterns in the book of Numbers:
"But perhaps the most striking feature of Numbers, when it comes to pastoral ministry, is the way it warns of opposing dangers at both ends of what we might call the confidence spectrum. Throughout Israel’s history, and indeed the history of the church, God’s people have tended to oscillate between overconfidence (pride, arrogance, self-importance) and underconfidence (unbelief, timidity, fear). Generations typically swing from one to the other, as young people see the flaws of their parents and overreact. Our generation is currently witnessing this sort of pendulum swing..." (Andrew Wilson, "Seven Trials, Two Dangers, and One Underappreciated Book", CT, April 18, 2022)
Until hearing Andrew speak on this, I thought of Numbers as a book of details; of tribes, offerings, civil justice, and prescribed duties. There is also the theme of Israel blowing it and turning to God for deliverance from their enemies. When they repent, God delivers them. In times of prosperity and safety, Israel forgets God and turns to idols. God allows their enemies to oppress them. They turn back to God and say, "Where are you, God?" God saves them. Then the cycle repeats.
But an equally important message is one regarding leadership and authority. On one hand, there is evidence of overconfidence in Miriam and Aaron's opposition to Moses' leadership in Numbers 12. The tone is, "Moses, who do you think you are? You're too power hungry. You're flawed. We can lead as well as you." Then there is the evidence of underconfidence in Numbers 13-14. "We can't move forward. Compared to our enemies, we're just grasshoppers." While Joshua and Caleb try to inspire the tribes to move out in confidence, the other voices are of despair and faithlessness: "We're gonna die."
As I stated earlier, there has been a needed correction with regard to heavy-handed leadership tainted with spiritual abuse. God's church has reacted by calling for accountability, transparency, with more layers of people who make decisions. The superman or superwoman leader with multiple gifts is almost seen as a liability today rather than a blessing. Team ministry is celebrated with no one having ultimate power. Again, I think this is mostly a good thing. Correction was needed.
The downside is the inevitable pendulum swing that Andrew refers to--including a mistrust of anything that smells like authority or looks like an established institution. There is also a danger in nurturing a climate of suspicion for anyone who says, "I'd like to lead. Is there a path to leadership?"
Spiritual abuse is horrible. Insecure dictators who make decisions behind closed doors without accountability are dangerous. But so is an organization, a church, a family or a business without a leader. If every decision is groupthink, the mission will stall and gifted leaders will disappear or turn to enterprise that may be good, but not where they are needed most.
We must find our way humbly forward, recognizing this tension. How do we guard against unhealthy egos and rogue dictators? Yet how do we follow commands such as this one:
Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you. (Hebrews 13:17 NIV)
Or this one...
Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. (1 Thes 5:12,13)
As Timothy Keller often says the answer is not found in a middle way, but a third way. We still need leaders. We still need humble followership. Authority is not an evil concept. Abusive authority is. Aspiring to leadership isn't all selfish ambition. Toxic leadership is well...toxic and sinful. But humble leadership is necessary and helpful.
God help us not overreact.
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