WHERE ARE THE JOYFUL MEN?

How many joyful men do you know? I asked my wife, "Do you know any guys whose dominant characteristic is joy?" Long pause. I was hoping she would say, "You!" Nope. Finally, she came up with a few and I did too. But it wasn't without some thought. Why? 

Wes Yoder in his book, Bond of Brothers, asks the question. I'll let you read and figure out why he asks.  But related to his subject, I'll say this: it's hard to be joyful when you're a poser. Posers are afraid of discovery. They fear intimacy with other guys because if they are found out the charade is over. 

The guys that I know who are marked by joy don't seem to be consumed with imaging. There's a childlike acceptance of being fully human, not super human or stuffy. They frequently laugh at themselves and still more instructive--they are more prompt at confession. 

Remember Eustace in Voyage of the Dawn Treader? He thinks of himself as the intelligent, mature one--not wasting time with childish wonder, fantasy and play. He prides himself on being a realist, an avid journalist, not missing the sophisticated perspective of everyday life. He excuses his mistakes and can't see his imperfections. And he's an insufferable person to be around.

In High School, I had a classmate, Joe, who like Eustace, was sharper than the average guy. Not in style or appearance. He often had a bad case of dandruff evidenced on his shoulders, frequently wore the same t-shirt, and would probably get high marks on the nerd scale. Once asked about the kind of shampoo he used, "Ivory Soap," he said. "You mean Ivory shampoo in a bottle?" "No, like the bar." His sister in the same classroom, gave an audible gasp and eyeroll. He rarely studied as far as I know, but got the material and aced any math test you put in front of him. He didn't compete for jock-dom and he wasn't popular with the girls. But he was joyful. (I wouldn't be surprised if he's the innovating mind behind some wildly successful startup now.)

I'm not applauding his lack of discipline. Maybe part of his persona was actually rebellion against the status quo. I don't know. But I don't think he was a poser. I think that was just joyful Joe.

When Paul wrote to first century believers and gave the dominant characteristics of the spirit-filled life, near the top of the list was, joy. When he contrasted the kingdom of God with legalism, the hard-nosed way centered on law-keeping rather than grace, he described it as, "righteousness peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." (Romans 14:17) When Jesus set forward a model of true godliness, at least once, he put forward a child as his sermon illustration. And many children I know are more joyful than most adults. 

Jesus once told a parable about two men praying. I'll paraphrase. One was expressing gratitude but it centered on who he was and wasn't: "I'm so grateful I'm able to give so much to charity and that I've managed to be consistent in my quiet time. You have kept me from being a disgusting pagan like this guy praying next to me." The other guy in a less honorable profession, is crouched down. His bright green boxers are showing above his belt and he's making a scene, praying a bit too loud, using street language. "God, it's me, Joe. I can't believe I get to call you, Father. I really need Your help again. I'm so far from being the kind of husband and daddy I want to be. Just last night, I was rude to my wife and had no sympathy for my needy 4-year old. Have mercy on me, God!" 

Jesus says it was the second guy who walked away knowing God was pleased. The other walked away pleased with himself. And I'm guessing here--but probably also less joyful. (See Luke 18:9-17)

Pride, posturing, self-importance all have a joy-chilling effect. Some of the least joyful guys I know are pastors and worship leaders with rock-star images, complete with possees, multiple "handlers" and social media consultants. On the surface they look happy but when you spend more than ten minutes with them you find they are just Eustace with a few years on him, worried about image. 

How do I know? Because I fight the need to posture, to wonder if I'm presenting my best side. I'm ashamed at how long I wait to say, "I was wrong. You're right." But I'm repenting. And God is answering my prayer. 

Join me in the quest for joy. Begin here: "Have mercy on me, oh God."    

TAKE THE LOVELY TRAIN

I'm reading my Bible and after reading a chapter I realize I don't remember one thing I've read. My mind is checking off a list of to-dos. I'm writing this now and fighting to stay focused because it's late in the day and there is a collision of conversations. One man is fearful because of the riots near their home. Another is caring for his wife who has chronic issues from kidney stones. A pastor is emotionally spent from the divisions in his church as a result of COVID--between those who won't wear a mask and those who shame them. 

How can I hold my mind together? What am I to do? 

Mental illness may become its own rising pandemic. I've watched those who suffer. I've seen the devastating effects. It's heart-breaking how some are limited by their minds in the simliar way as someone limited by their legs, arms or heart. (I'm not minimizing the effects of mental illness, just drawing an analogy.) So we bear with them. We encourage mental health. And we pray for healing.

But there are levels of mental illness. All of us could stand to get healthier in our mind. In some ways, we are all mentally ill. Even a Christian, although saved by grace, still deals with a body and a mind that is not immune to damage done by Adam's fall and his sinful sons and daughters. Including me. 

What am I to do?

I've been challenged and comforted by Paul's words to the Philipppians. Under house arrest and in less than desirable circumstances, his letter to them is marked by joy. Before he closes his letter, he writes, 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Phil 4:8)

His "finally" statement, gives some of the best practical advice to holding yourself together when the world is falling apart. Here, he points to the battle in the mind and how to win it. Six whatevers: true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable. And two summary adjectives: excellence and praiseworthy. 

We could talk about each one, but it may be enough to say this: 

In prayer, God promises His peace as a GUARD. But it's my responsiblity to GUIDE my mind.

One of the most searched for passages in the Bible is found in vv.6-7. (Phil 4:6-7)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The peace that is promised to guard your mind, is not guaranteed security against stray thoughts. My spirit may be safe and secure. But my body, including my mind, is still under the effects of the Fall.  A guarded mind still needs direction. It can't be a blank whiteboard. It may be guarded, but it needs to be guided. 

So I leave the local grocery store and find a Taylor Swift song on repeat in my head. I don't even know the song. But I remember it because it was playing in the store. "Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. You need to calm down. You're being too loud." Now, no offense to the Swift-lovers out there. Although I think she's incredibly talented, none of her songs are on my playlist anywhere. But the song plays incessantly in my head until I'm exhausted from the mental gymnastics of trying to stop it. Even though she's telling me, "I need to calm down." 

The only way to stop the song is not to scream, "Stop it." Rather, the solution is to interrupt the song by guiding my mind toward another song. I look at my playlist of favorite songs on my phone. I click PLAY. Five minutes later, a different song is bouncing in my head. What did I do? I guided it by listening and appreciating the music of another. I think this is what Paul means when he writes, "think on these things." He could've said, "Don't think about whatever is untrue, dishonorable, unjust, impure, etc." But I don't just need to know about THOSE things. I need a list of "these things" to think about. 

One of the perks that I find in major metros like NYC is the subway system. It's inexpensive, usually prompt and I can read while I ride. But if you're new to the idea, it's hard to understand the routes. Sometimes, my wife and I have hopped on the wrong one and realize we're going toward uptown when we wanted to go downtown. The only way to change the destination is to "get off at the next stop.” Why? It’s taking me somewhere I don’t want to go. And since she’s riding with me, I am concerned with her safety. I’m her guardian. She could say, “No, I’m riding on this way.” But because we're together, she guides herself with my help toward the exit and reentry onto another train. 

That’s the peace of God. When He’s riding with me, guarding my mind, he will tell me: “Shawn, that train of thought is going to take you somewhere you don’t want to go. You've been there before. You know where this is going." 

Like this scenario. You have a conversation with a friend. You “stew about it.” You rehearse it. You say to yourself: “I can’t believe they said that. I bet they’ve been talking about me behind my back.” And for a second, another voice says quietly, “Stop this kind of thinking. This is not going to end well.” But this thought leads to that thought and suddenly, you’re fuming, "I’m gonna give them a piece of my mind.

But what you’re really doing is losing another kind of "peace." When I cease to guide my mind, but allow it to get on whatever train that is sort of true, a half-truth or completely dishonorable, then I've not only lost peace for the present, peace has left the building! Left my mind entirely. Left behind at the last stop where the other trains left the building.

What are we to do? Get off at the next stop and choose a different train. Go the other direction. Because I want to go the direction God’s peace is going.

Let's make it practical. When I’m frustrated with pastoring, sometimes I think, "I should just resign.” I’ll get on a train of thought called PITY. “No one appreciates me. It’s so hard to pastor.” But I see the destination. I know where PITY train ends: at a party by myself. So I may choose to get off the PITY train and get on the train called “praiseworthy" and think on those things that saints and angels praise. 

When I’m frustrated with my wife, and I see the train coming that’s named FRUSTRATION. I know its ultimate destination. I know the last stop of Frustration train is futility! But, with the God of Peace and His help, I interrupt the schedule, and I imagine how life would be without her. I get on the train called LOVELY. I think about the best hugs in the world, or the lovely thought of seeing her get so happy when she watched the baby Cardinal take wing on his maiden voyage.

I set my mind on those things and I look over and the God of peace is with me--riding with me. Like a good friend He says, “Isn’t this a great adventure!”

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Phil 4:9)

Who is this God of peace? The Lord Jesus Himself--who is altogether true, honorable, just, pure and lovely. And so His Father and the Holy Spirit. These things are true of God Himself. And although God and Scripture isn't all we should think about, it’s a great place to start in keeping my sanity when the world is falling apart. Take the lovely train.  

IT ISN'T CHRISTIAN TO SAY NOTHING AT ALL

I grew up in the South during the heat of desegregation. I was in the 5th grade when one muggy spring day a fight broke out among the 8th graders, initiated by some racial slurs. Out the window to my left, I can see and hear crowds of whites and blacks running to the football field where nostrils flared and fears spilled out in a slugfest. My teacher, who was white, ordered all of us to put our heads down on our desks and be still. Sadie Mae Jones, on my left and Roger Jackson, behind me, are both African-American. I felt afraid for them and for me. I just wanted everyone to get along. In some ways, a lot has changed since then. But as you've seen in the news, some days it feels like nothing has changed. 

Because of the murder of George Floyd, we've seen again how racism and prejudice is still a rift that divides. A deep wound that needs healing. In many ways, I feel inadequate to speak. But when we say nothing, we say something. So here goes.

RACISM IS EVIL AND PREJUDICE IS A SIN. As Christians, we're often guilty of prioritizing certain sins. We talk about how porn eats out a man's soul and adultery begins in the heart. We speak out about abortion and sexual promiscuity. But prejudice is often underplayed with statements like, "Yeah, that's just the way they are. You know my uncle doesn't mean anything by it. He just has issues with black people." Racism isn't a worse sin than others. But it's sin nonetheless. And while sin is sin, some sins have graver consequences and do more collateral damage. Racism is one of those. 

GOD IS NOT COLOR BLIND. I've been guilty of saying He is. Probably with words like, "When God sees you, He doesn't see the color of your skin and we all bleed red." It sounds true but it isn't completely.  All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name. (Psa 86:9) The end of our Bible tells us that God is glorified by the tapestry of the nations. "And they sang a new song: 'Who will not fear, O Lord, and glorify your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship you, for your righteous acts have been revealed."' (Rev 15:4) God loves the nations and He's a missionary God who sent His Son and now sends us to the nations. He created color and wants His family to reflect that. 

What can we do? Ultimately, as a Christian, I believe only the gospel can root out the racism in my heart. But as a citizen of two worlds, I offer some practical ways I'm growing.

1. BE INFORMED. As a white American who grew up in the South, I thought I understood the issues. I thought because I had a few "black friends" I got it. I confess I was naive and that I still don't know how subtle and deceptive racism can be. But if I've grown, it's partly because I've been intentional about reading broadly on the subject. If you're white and lean conservative, you need to read other viewpoints--even those you expect to disagree with. Here are a few to consider: 

"Between the World and Me" by Ta-Nehisi Coates

"Becoming" by Michelle Obama

"Twelve Years a Slave" by Solomon Northup

"Why We Can't Wait" by MLK, Jr. 

2. LEARN TO LAMENT. We're not good at grief. Western civilization has tried to eliminate death and push grief underground. And we aren't better for it. We've coined new descriptions for funerals like "Celebration of Life." We make light of those from the Eastern part of the world who in our eyes are over-dramatic with their grief while we effectively do drive-bys before the funeral and crack a few jokes in the parlor. While it's appropriate to celebrate life rather than death, it's not healthy nor is it biblical to ignore the sting of grief. Paul writes to the Roman Christians, who were likely experiencing persecution and injustice, "Weep with those who weep." (Rom 12:15). Over a third of the Psalms are lament. And the book you probably skim through, Lamentations, is an expression of grief over the destruction of Jerusalem. Jesus wept in His final hours before the crucifixion. Grieving is part of life and lamenting is Christian. No, we don't weep as though we don't have hope, (1 Thes 4:13). But don't interpret that to mean, we don't weep at all. Weeping with our black neighbors over the death of one of their own is not only the right thing to do. It's the Christian thing to do.

3. LEAN IN AND LISTEN. It's ironic to talk about listening in a post about speaking up. But we've forgotten how to listen well. When someone says something, I'm already thinking about my response like the world can't go on without me responding to the last thing that was said. I have a friend who has a practice of asking at least seven questions when he disagrees with someone. Maybe that's too many for you. But how about asking at least  three questions before you give your opinion? And avoid the question "why." Asking why someone does something or feels something raises defenses. Instead ask, "what and how" questions: How did you feel last night? What do you wish people understood? 

4. HAVE THE AWKWARD CONVERSATION. The elephant in the room is not slinking away just because you ignore it. On Tuesday morning, as a staff, we dove into the topic of racism. We asked the African-Americans on our team to tell us how it feels to be a minority culture in our church. We confessed our sins to one another. And we sat through awkward silence sometimes afraid to speak, not knowing what to say. But I believe we moved forward a few steps toward authentic community because of it. I've heard pastors say, "We don't talk about that. We preach about how we are one in Christ and emphasize that. You get more of what you emphasize. If you talk about racism, it will just get worse." I disagree. How can our black brothers and sisters begin to heal if we act like nothing happened? Don't just tweet, post, and give thumbs up on social media. Sit across the table from someone different than you and ask questions. Yes, there will be awkward moments but loving well includes listening well. And that includes the ministry of presence in the in-between. 

5. BE INTENTIONAL WITH CROSS-CULTURAL FRIENDSHIPS. Let's go deeper than saying, "I have black friends." Do life together. Pray. Play. Have dinner. Celebrate the uniqueness of other cultures. This has been a gift to me and I'm grateful. One of the sweeter moments I've had in the last few years was going to Pappy's BBQ with my friend, Kempton, who happens to be black. Going to our cars, we paused on the parking lot, and locked shoulders for a moment and prayed. I know people were watching but I didn't care. I felt alive. I felt healing. It was beautiful. 

Long after the news of George Floyd dies down, there will be another tragic incident. Racism isn't going away. But I'm hopeful that a bit of healing will flow through His church in these days. One day those in Christ will worship as one multi-cultural family. John, the friend of Jesus, saw a vision of the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, the leaves of which "were used for medicine to heal the nations." We will taste of the healing together as a dark-skinned Messiah is crowned King of all. Till then, we pray, we weep and we hope.