On the weekend, I told how I grew up hearing, "Real Christians don't cuss" and how this falls short of helping us understand the impact of words. Now, I'm not suggesting that you should start dropping four-letter bombs but there are plenty examples of more destructive speech.
Snide comments. Sneering jabs. Passive-aggressive rolling of the eyes. None of it is becoming of a kind, mature adult, let alone someone who follows Jesus.
In my small group later the same day, we discussed the challenges of being aware of harming others yet preserving some latitude for humor in friendship. For example, I love great sarcasm and irony. It's a trademark of southern culture. Friends, especially guys, do this as a rite of passage and inclusion. You know you're accepted in the group if people are comfortable enough to tease with some sarcasm. Our Elders do it in every meeting. An example might be as a dude is drinking his healthy smoothie: "So what is it this time? Australian pine bark extract and goat toe jam?" We have a good laugh and the banter helps with the seriousness and heaviness of ministry. At least, in my view.
But I've found that it doesn't always translate. Humor is subjective. I have a friend who thinks the movie "Kangaroo Jack" is the funniest movie she's ever seen. Me? I don't get it. I didn't think "Home Alone" or any of its 10 sequels were funny. I know. I'm weird. But so are you. Go on RottenTomatoes.Com and you'll find polar-opposite reviews on every so-called comedy.
This means that we need to know each other well enough to know what is/isn't funny. Someone who grew up with a passive-aggressive Mom who had a barb in every sarcastic reply may be triggered by what you think is an endearing jab. This is the first rule of comedy and public speaking: know your audience. Using the word "randy" in Australia or the word "bloody" in the UK would communicate something you didn't intend to. On Sunday I said, "I'm a big tweaker"--meaning that I love to improve things. I've often said, "Small tweaks help you reach mountain peaks." I learned something following the talk. According to a fellow elder, I had every recovering addict's attention because they refer to meth users as "tweakers." Uh, that's not what I meant.
Forbearing with each other in love means that I need to be socially aware. Some things should be off-limits in humor no matter who you are:
-- jokes about stereo-types of masculinity and femininity (I want to devote a future blog to this one. But cracking a joke about a boy running "like a girl" is wrong at so many levels. What girl exactly? The soccer star Mia Hamm? Or the Olympic runner Tori Bowie?)
-- sexual prowess. I've been around guys who boast of their sex drive. Sorry. I can't see the apostle Peter laughing with his protégé Timothy like this. It's not appropriate for any gentleman.
-- jokes about someone's physical features like their short stature, skinny body or obesity.
There are more but I'll pause there. I've been guilty of many offenses in my speech. I've had to repent to people and to God so many times I've lost count. I'm a man whose tongue has taken me places I regret. I need lots of grace. You do too.
At the same time, I'm hoping my friends never become so "politically correct" that we can't serve up some friendly jabs to each other. There's enough in this world to be uptight about. Some of my best memories are sitting around a campfire with guys laughing about dumb things we've done or said. But I should never forget my audience.
This quote by John Newton in "Controversy" has been haunting me the last few days. In it he advises another minister of how to think before criticizing a fellow brother:
“The Lord loves him and bears with him; therefore you must not despise him, or treat him harshly. The Lord bears with you likewise, and expects that you should show tenderness to others, from a sense of the much forgiveness you need yourself. In a little while you will meet in heaven; he will then be dearer to you than the nearest friend you have upon earth is to you now. Anticipate that period in your thoughts; and though you may find it necessary to oppose his errors, view him personally as a kindred soul, with whom you are to be happy in Christ forever.”
