I'M NOT REALLY THAT GUY

In Timothy Keller's excellent talk on Culture and Identity, he quotes Lewis Smedes as saying, "My wife has had five different husbands and they were all the same man: ME. What bound those identities together was the vows I made on my wedding day." He then continues by saying how we look back at our 15 year-old self with pity at how uninformed we were but that we do the same when we are 40 and looking back at our 30 year-old self!

This is why we can't find ourselves by simply expressing our feelings and saying, "This is me. Get over it." Our feelings are fickle. Our self-awareness changes throughout life. We move in and out of blind spots either becoming more or less aware of our own foolishness. We repress some feelings and give vent to others, not solely because we want to, but because of social and peer pressure. If you don't believe me, why do we eat more junk food when no one is watching us? Why do some people sing in the shower but never in an elevator? Why do we wear that faded, threadbare, yet comfy, t-shirt at home but never anywhere else?

We are not our feelings alone. Our identity and sense of self is also shaped by community. We find out who we are by living among others. We filter through the false and the true statements of those we esteem. Some of us are still trying to prove ourselves to an absentee father or a controlling mother who said, "You're all brawn and no brains." Or, "You aren't wired for college." Others are crushed by discovering we can't truly "be anything we want to be." Not everyone has the body to be a long-distance runner and a five-foot, 120 lb. woman can't be an NFL quarterback...at least not without a lot of broken bones and concussions. 

When I was 16, I felt like no one liked me. I was timid and a bit nerdy. I liked music and literature. I didn't tell all the guys how much I liked reading, although I did. Now I like music but not as much as I did. I enjoy the outdoors a lot more. I no longer think that no one likes me. Which one is me: the 16 year old or the man I am now? Both of them. I'm more confident in who I am now, not simply because I'm letting my true feelings out but because both of those identities are held together by living in community with others and more than that, because I know my Creator and He loves both of those guys.

What is unchanging is the identity of my heavenly Father and who He says I am. That's why I need frequent meetings with Him in His Word to remind me of what is true and what is false. That's why the prayer of all prayers begins with, "Our Father." Feelings change. He doesn't. My identity needs something more solid than my feelings. As crafted in the lyrics of Pat Barrett and Anthony Brown: 'You're a good, good Father. It's who You are, who You are. And I'm loved by You. IT'S WHO I AM, WHO I AM."


GOOD GOOD FATHER, c. Capitol Christian Music Group.