Five Keys to Raising a Hypocrite

1. Never admit you blew it. If you sin, cover your tracks before your kids see it. The important thing about mistakes is not that you make them, but to make sure that no one knows. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Another way is to let time go by because doesn't time erase hurt? For example, when you hurt your child's feelings by not keeping your word, take them for ice cream and distract them for a few days. This way you won't have to confess your faults.

2. Focus on appearances. Any kind of talk about your feelings or their heart will only confuse them. Keep the chat at surface level always. Make sure your comments about their behavior include lots of phrases like, "What will the neighbors say?" Or, "What will your friends at church think about you?" Make a big deal out of bad words instead of silly trivial things like evil input through horror flicks. Don't worry about your Bible staying in your car until next Sunday or what you post on Facebook. They will understand that your life at church and your life on Facebook are two different things. Go ballistic over tattoos on their arm and never ask about God's Word on their heart. Remember tattoos are for life! One more thing: it's more important to keep their room clean than their mind clean. Remember focus on appearance only.

3. Pray louder and longer at church. It's important to let your kids hear you pray at church. Use a lot of spiritual words and phrases like, "Lord, we adore You. Manifest Yourself among us." Or quote long verses when you pray so that your kids will be impressed with that verse you learned in Sunday School. Make sure you go longer than anyone else in the prayer circle. Longer and louder prayers will impress everyone and most of all, your child, if they are within hearing distance.

4. Talk about prayer in the schools and the 10 commandments in politics. Don't worry about praying at home. It's more important that they do those things at school. It's no big deal that the Ten Commandments are never mentioned or posted in your home. But it is important that we vote to keep them in the Town Hall. In the White House, but not in your house, that's the way!

5. When all else fails, change churches or move. When people get too close to you, they will begin to see your flaws. You want to protect that from happening. Accountability is over-rated. Faith is a private thing. Keep it that way. When people get too close to you, lose those friends. If you have to, you can always move to another church where no one knows you and you can keep your distance.

There are many more things I could tell you but these are five sure ways to nurture the hypocrite in your child.

Perspectives on Aurora

After the tragedy in Aurora, we've been inundated with news commentary: Who was Holmes? What makes a graduate student like him snap? Is it time for gun-control? Who were the victims? And some of it is heart-wrenching--the loss of life, the new normal for the Holmes' family. It's right to pause and reflect. But it's also right to keep perspective. While we are shocked over the loss of 12 lives in a theater as well as the others whose lives will never be the same, we should also consider:

On the same day of the Aurora tragedy, 

• ~3,700 babies were aborted in the U.S. (73% mothers report religious affiliation) Source
• ~435 Christians died for their faith (Average based on World Christian data)
• ~100 people committed suicide (Third leading cause of death in ages 15-24) Source 

Perspective changes as we think about these. What's the common need in all these things? Hope.  Let's be the purveyors of hope: hope for the Moms who feel trapped, hope for those contemplating suicide, and eternal hope for those who are suffering today for their faith.

Make Sure You Can Go Home

It's hard to watch the stories from Colorado--what once were houses full of life and love are nothing but ashes. What they are learning even through the tragedy, however, is that the most important things in life are not things, but people, memories and relationships.

Are you living in a way that you will always have a home? I'm not talking about a house, but a home.

Just about every week, I'm hearing another story from a guy who realizes too late he has the wrong priorities. It was his career, his sports league, his hobby or his ministry. Then he wonders why his kids don't want to hang with him when he's at "Sunnyside Retirement Center."

Or a Mom, who is all about the house, the decor, or the kids and their dance recitals. Then the kids grow up and she looks at the husband she has neglected and says, "Who are you?" She has no home. Only an empty house with a great color scheme and a silent partner.

Wayne Cordeiro writes:

"Learning the difference between a concern and a responsibility may save your ministry, your family, and your sanity...One day after years of ministry with a wonderful congregation, I will say my good-byes, pack my bags and, with many tears, walk out of the church. But when I walk out of the church, there’s only one place I can walk into. Family. If you miss building that home base, you will have nowhere to go when your ministry days are over. You’ll arrive back on your doorstep with your boxes of books and notes, and you’ll have nothing to walk into – except shards of yesterday’s mistake of putting your job, ministry, or career ahead of everything else." (Leading on Empty, 140)

The Christ-follower must lead like this: 

1. Jesus first

2. My spouse second

3. My kids third

4. Everything else (including me)

Do that so you can always have a home.

A Problem with Healing

I can't say it's always fun. In fact, just about every time I do it, there's a battle that rages within:

• Is this really necessary? 
• People will get the wrong idea.
• You're going to lose status
• You need to protect your reputation

I'm talking about confession. That is, admission to others that I don't have it all together like I may appear.But here's what I know, people who consistently play the "I've got it together" game eventually implode. Men who never say, "I blew it. I'm sorry" model hypocrisy to their children. Moms who can't say, "Teach me" to a friend who knows something they don't? They are usually full of anxiety.

God has a prescription for healing us of our hypocrisy, anxiety and self-destruction. But the medicine isn't very appealing on the surface. It's found in James 5:16, "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed," (nkjv).

Now I know in some circles this looks like the eternal naval gazers small group:
"I blew it on porn again this week." 
"That's okay. I did too. Well, thank God for grace." 
 
James is talking about redemptive confession. This confession admits weakness but it is hopeful not languishing. It is vertically oriented not strictly horizontal. Confession here in James begins horizontal but then turns vertical: "Pray for one another."

So I confess often. It's no fun. But people are praying for me and God is healing me.

Studying Creation

I've been on a study break during most of June. During that time, we spent a few days in Salem, Oregon. Wow. Raw, pristine beauty. Big trees that have been growing for hundreds of years. I'm not a tree-hugger but I admit I did try a few times. Here's one of those big ones with my cute "girlfriend" standing by:

I Got a Rock

There's a scene in "It's the Great Pumpkin" with Charlie Brown and friends. After the first door of trick or treat, with bags in hand, they compare their treats:
 
ALL: "I got five pieces of candy!” “I got a chocolate bar!” “I got a quarter!”  
Charlie Brown: “I got a rock.”

Some see prayer like that. We can ask in prayer, but you never know what you're gonna get. It might be bad.
Jesus turns this idea on it's head in Matthew 7: 9, "Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?" (ESV). Jesus is saying, "Does any sane father give you a rock if you ask for bread?" No, is the expected answer!

Jesus continues,

10"Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (ESV)


Jesus has encouragement for all the Charlie Browns among us: "Your heavenly Father doesn't surprise you with something hurtful. So go ahead and ask."

Stronger from the Storm

Patience is in short supply. A few weeks ago a woman was accused of assaulting a server in a local restaurant because she was "unhappy with the service." I'm sure we can relate to being unhappy with the service but hopefully you've never resorted to such extreme measures.

We're consumers of immediate satisfaction. We groan if the fast food land is backed up. We get testy if the line out of the parking lot at church takes us an extra five. We're not good at patience.

But most good things in life take time--especially the spiritual. There's no "microwave maturity." Getting stronger takes time and...storms.

God has compared his people to palm trees (Psalm 92:12). You ever notice which trees are standing after a hurricane? Many times, it's the palm tree. I'm not an authority on palm trees but they tell me that their unique root system gives them this strength. And that they may actually grow stronger because of bending from strong winds! It appears that it's the storm that makes them stronger.

Are you in a financial storm? A storm in your marriage? A storm of temptation? A long quiet storm of waiting? You might be bending a little. But with patience, you'll find a stronger you on the other side of the storm.